Marriage is a complicated process. Try getting married legally and you’ll discover a whole new level of 'complicated'. I did, when I decided to get myself a marriage certificate.
Here’s what you need—

1. affidavits of the bride, the groom, two witnesses and the pandit who got you married.
2. 3 postcard sized photographs of the bride and the groom together.
3. 2 individual passport sized photos of the bride and the groom.
4. photo ID cards of the witnesses
5. class ten mark-sheets of the bride and the groom (uh?!)

Then begins the exercise. Fill a whole lot of forms with your thumbprints (I did tell them I can sign!). Don’t complain. Keep getting shunted from one room to the other in the municipal corporation office. sarkari daftar ke chakkar kaat kaat ke joote ghis gaye--- now its my fav filmi line. Go to the babu and get your forms signed. Go to the computer room. Computer room! Go to room no.4 and get a new slip. Get it signed again from room no.12. Babu refuses to sign. Busy right now, working on a minister’s orders. Come tomorrow. No please. Here’s a little gift for you sir. Arrey! Smile. Ok wait. Get some commissioner-type to call the babu.

He signs, pronto!

Do you want a certificate in English?! Oh ho ho!! Fine then, check the spelling mistakes. Get another printout. Sorry! Computer ko hangover ho gaya!!!! BLAH! Ab kya. Wait karo. But the babu who’ll sign has disappeared. No worries, he’ll most probably return by evening. Evening!! We’ve been here since 11am. Can’t help madam.

So you wait. Sarkari sounds and images buzz in your head. Chai wala. Paan. Chatter. Hair oil. Spittle. Gazab garmi hai.

You keep sitting outside the babu’s office on a metal chair and experience the gradual flattening of your behind. The peons look at you expressionless. Lost in picking their nose and teeth. Examining their earwax stuck on the little finger.

Suddenly there’s a lot of movement. Saheb aa rahe hain. You wonder if they’ll sound the bugle. The man walks in purposefully, leaves the door ajar. You peep inside his cabin. He rejects your file. Yeh sab baad mein. The peon smiles and persists. Babu frowns, but starts scribbling.

Ah, finally.

Oh no! its not even my file!! Ok wait. There’s another one. By now you’re openly staring, standing at his door. Forget good manners, this is important.

A man comes out with your certificate. Badhai ho ji! Mil gaya. Aur kuch? Can I please set your office on fire? No, thank you.